Relationship Hypnotherapy Melbourne

What Are the Different Relationship Problems?

have been helping people with different types or relationship problems, and I seem to be seeing more and more as the years go on. You can also find a huge number of resources online with quick solutions attached to fix the problem, many of these relationship problems I would call a symptom of a deeper issue in the relationship and not really the main problem. But only if it was that easy go online find problem solution and enact it and it is all ok. Then no one would have relationship problems because all this self help would have solved the problem.

This is where I come in knowing it’s not that easy there are other reasons for the problems which I will go into later and how I use hypnotherapy to help fix these relationship problems.

Types of Relationship Problems

There are many types of problems people have in relationships below I have covered all the main ones I deal with regular basis but there are more I have not covered.

Problems with Partner (Anxiety, Anger and Fighting, Etc.)

You may find that you have anxiety in your relationship for many reasons, maybe your scared they will leave, they are abusive emotionally or physically, fear of getting hurt, you're too needy and want to spend all your time with them due to anxiety, you could be fighting all the time, maybe they have a mental health problem, they are badly sick like cancer, they could have an addiction which is traumatising. There are many reasons why people have problems with their partner.

Relationship Breakup (Forget Your Ex or Forget Someone)

Many people find it difficult to let go and move on after a relationship they just can't seem to forget their ex they just keep thinking of them obsessing about them what are they doing who are they with, even stalking them online or keeping in contact via text, phone or online. They cannot date or contemplate being with someone else, its affecting work they are depressed, anxious, angry, hopeless, etc. They’re stuck they can’t go back or forwards you may experience some or all of these symptoms.

Fear Partner Will Cheat

Many people have a fear their partner will cheat on them and ultimately leave them so they experience constant fear in their relationship and they will tend to behave in ways that will put a strain on the relationship by checking partners phone, online activity, who they are spending time with and sometimes don’t want their partner to spend time with anyone but them. These behaviours may even facilitate what they are scared will happen the partner will leave or cheat if they are being accused of it all the time.

Cheating on Partner

Some people have developed a habit of cheating on their partner but they don’t want to do it however this doesn’t stop them from doing it which causes them a lot of emotional pain like guilt, anxiety, frustration, confusion. They often have no idea why they are cheating because they love their partner and want to be with them, they just can’t seem to stop. I have seen many people who really want help in stopping cheating so they can stay with their partner and be content and happy.

You Have Noticed a Pattern in Your Relationships That Doesn’t Work

I have had many clients who have noticed patterns in their relationships that they find a problem and they are seeking help to solve this pattern problem. Example of this maybe you end your relationships early, partners always cheat on them, get into a relationship with same type of person and it always ends badly, cannot connect emotionally, relationships only last 3 months, they always leave within 3 months and continually fighting with partner. These are just a few simple ones I have had clients who have developed very complex patterns in their relationships that are a problem.

No One Asks You Out

For the women this can be a problem where they have noticed that they just never get asked out ever, I have had many clients in this situation they have developed a way of interacting with the opposite sex that stops them from even attempting to ask them out. Some of my clients have not been on a date for over 5 years, and if you’re interested in being in a relationship, this can be a huge problem. So they are doing something that stops guys from asking them out.

Fear of Being in a Relationship

Some people have so much anxiety associated in being in a relationship that they just tend to avoid it at all costs to the point where they may not go out to socialise to avoid the possibility of attracting unwanted attention from the opposite sex. They will have so much fear of being rejected and hurt in the relationship because they have been hurt in the past that they just avoid it. Another case is for guys who have sexual problems premature ejaculation or impotence will make them give up at some point and avoid relationships as well because if they get into a relationship then it will lead to sex and their fear of failure is so great they avoid it all together. The reasons can vary, but underlying all of them is a fear of being hurt, humiliated, rejected, etc.

What Are the Symptoms of Relationship Problems?

You may experience a range of symptoms and they will vary from one person to another. Below is a range of symptoms that you may experience in your relationships that can cause problems.

Emotional Signs That Can Contribute to Relationship Problems

Other Signs of Relationship Problems May Include

Current Statistics

Statistics reveal that up to 33% of all Australian marriages are expected to end in divorce, and countless more relationships fall by the wayside. This percentage has, on the whole, been gradually rising since 1975, when the Family Law Act introduced ‘no fault divorce’, meaning that the cause of the breakdown was irrelevant to one’s ability to obtain a divorce. In 2010 alone, there were 50,200 divorces in Australia, meaning that 100,400 people were new divorcees in that year.

An Australian study reported that a whopping 71% of divorcees blame “affective issues” for the cause of marital breakdown. Affective issues include:

Other Causes of Divorce in Australia include:

Hypnosis Relationship Reviews

How Do You Develop Relationship Problems?

As I mentioned at the beginning of this article you can do a google search and find a whole host of problems that can arise in a relationship I have also listed some in “What Are the Symptoms of Relationship Problems?” above.

In my experience hypnotherapist in helping people through hypnotherapy with their relationship problems over the years I have discovered most of the underlying reasons for these problems are emotions; fear of rejection, fear of being unlovable, fear of their partner leaving, fear of being alone… I could go on for ages these drive all people problems in relationships.

So lets explore how this works in more detail first I will cover the basics then I will go into more detail around the list of “Types of Relationship Problems” to give context to the basics and how it works in real-life giving examples where possible.

So all the things mentioned above can trigger you into being anxious; However, it’s not that simple. We store our emotions in our bodies and they are anchored to our memories. So over time as you have more and more memories or experiences of being anxious, you store these emotions in your body anchored to your memories and you accumulate them.

So imagine emotions are not on or off they are on a scale of say 1–10 so when you’re young your anxiety level is low say a 1 and as you get older and accumulate more memories of anxiety that level goes up to say 3, 6, 7 etc till it reaches a point where you really feel anxious. The level at which this happens differs from person to person.

So all the things mentioned above have the potential to create a feeling of anxiety that gets stored in the body anchored to your memories and if you have enough of these events, you will get really anxious. Sometimes it may only take one event, but normally it’s usually and accumulation of events that will trigger off anxiety. Now this applies to all emotions that you experience not just anxiety.

Anchoring Thoughts and Behaviours

So if you take what I have said above and think of it this way we anchor the emotions to thoughts, beliefs and behaviours. So the more emotions you anchor to a thought and behaviour, the more likely you automate that thought and behaviour. Think of emotions as glue they anchor the thoughts and behaviours in place the more emotions you have attached to something the more you either do that behaviour or try to avoid it. Also, remember communication is a behaviour as well.

Autopilot and Being a Robot

Another factor which is huge to take into consideration is 99% of what we do is automatic and subconscious we learn how to do something we practice doing it then we automate it once we automate it, it is no longer under our conscious control so we are essentially a robot; We are half asleep. So every body is half asleep and sleepwalking, and they are just a robot.

This impacts us in our behaviour and the way we interact and communicate in a relationship we have learned how to behave and communicate in past relationships, so in the current one we just do exactly the same as we have done in the past because we are robots and we are on autopilot.

I am sure you have told your partner not to say or do something in the past but they just continue to do it no matter how much you complain, or maybe they do stop but it only lasts for a while then they start doing it again. The reason is they are on auto pilot they are a robot they are just doing what they have been programmed to do in the past. So they are not actually doing it on purpose and they are not doing it to you! They are just doing what they have been programmed to do, remember they are a robot.

But We Take Everything Personally

Literally as a human we take everything that happens personally it is always about me even when it is not about you but you make it about you, anyway. I am sure you have been at a party and someone looks at you and you think “why are they looking at me like that?”, “they don’t like me”, “they are putting me down” blah, blah, Blah. Guess what they are probably thinking? That’s right exactly the same thing that you’re thinking.

You take it personally and you make up this whole fantasy reason for them looking at you when you didn’t even talk to them. We do this all the time a group of people laugh out loud and you assume they are laughing at your expense even though they are not you still take it personally Im sure you have done this before as well only to find out later they were laughing at something else.

Communication Problem: Being Congruent vs Being Incongruent

Now this is a special subject that is in need of some clarification why do we have communication problems? How do we get misunderstood so easily? And why do we get confused at our partner’s communication? These are all excellent questions, and a big factor in this is called being congruent or not being congruent.

We have the conscious mind and the subconscious mind the conscious mind can pay attention to about 40 bits of information a second coming into our senses, while the subconscious mind can pay attention to 11 million bits of information a second coming into our senses.

That is a huge difference this is where sayings come from like “I get a gut feeling about this” or woman’s intuition, you don’t have any conscious information you can point to but you still get a sense about something, well this is your subconscious mind telling you about different things because it has access to more information than your conscious mind.

We communicate in different ways we communicate by words 7%, tonality 38% and physiology 55%. We even communicate in other ways energetically (emotions are energy and are contagious) that we cannot detect consciously only subconsciously.

So I am sure you know of times that someone is lying to you but they say they are not but you’re not convinced, well what is happening here is that a person will have different beliefs that they are communicating at the same time so at a conscious level they believe what they are saying to you but at a subconscious level they are communicating something completely different. So in effect they are being incongruent they’re convinced they are telling the truth but your picking up on the 2 levels of communication so you surmise they are lying, but they are not strictly lying because they don’t know they are doing it.

I would suggest that most of the time whenever you think someone has been lying to you I would say they are not really lying they are just being incongruent, of course sometimes they are actually lying and when they intentionally lie, they will be incongruent as well sending mixed signals.

For example, I am sure you have felt like eating a dessert really wanted it and then you proceeded to argue with yourself about it on one hand your trying to lose weight so you shouldn’t eat the dessert but on the other it is so yummy I have been good so I deserve it. You are being incongruent within your self. Now if someone asked you after a meal and you had this little battle in your mind and you said “yes I would like a desert” the other person would then pick up on the fact that they are not sure you really want the desert because you have communicated that you do and that you don’t.

So how do you communicate the extra information well it is communicated in the words you use the tonality of the use of those words and your body language? We don’t consciously choose the words or tonality or body language it is done subconsciously, so this is how your subconscious communicates. So lets say to someone how are you? They respond “I’m good”. On the surface it look like they are good, now lets say their tonality rose in pitch as they said I’m good and they looked away. Now from this I can infer that they are not good, because the tonality rose which is how you ask a question not answer one also they looked away which you don’t usually do if you’re telling the truth.

This can also show up in behaviours, for example, you may date someone and they say they like you and they like being around you but they keep pulling away. So on one level they are interested and want to commit to you but at another level they fear getting hurt so they pull away. This can show up when they say they will call you and they don’t, when it is time they get scared and avoid calling. There are many behaviours where being incongruent shows up causing the other person to get really confused about what you want they may even think you're playing games when you’re not.

This is how communication in relationships can be problematic because of people being incongruent. Also remember this is only one factor among many that can cause problems.

Example Types of Relationship Problems

Problems with Partner (Anxiety, Anger and Fighting, Etc.)

We can also anchor emotions to other things as well; like people, words, tones of voice, locations, time or even concepts. In relationships the emotions you build up towards your partners over time as you have several relationships this can generalise until it’s anchored to either men or women in general this is where these sayings come from “men they are all the same they only want one thing”. There are various sayings about the opposite sex which people have generalised from their personal experiences in their relationships over time, which have become expressions that everyone in society will recognise.

Also lets say you have trust issues with your partners because of some reason, maybe they cheating on you this can then generalise to the point where it affects all types of relationships, friends, family etc, you stop trusting anyone because your scared they will betray your, reject you or hurt you in someway, so you don’t trust anyone. This also shows up at the beginning of a relationship where you don’t trust the other person for ages until slowly you learn through interactions with them they are not going to hurt you.

So the point is you can get jaded, cynical or resentful towards the opposite sex which then in of itself causes problems in a relationship because you believe they will behave in a certain way, this shows up online on dating profiles where people may say “no players”, “only those who want a serious relationship”, “no game players” and the list goes on these statements give a real clue as to the persons beliefs about the opposite sex because of past traumas they have experienced in relationships and they are actively looking for this behaviour in a new relationship to not get hurt again. Unfortunately, this will change their behaviour which will negatively impact the relationship because they may interpret different behaviours of the partner as actually being what they are scared of when it is not, if you go looking for something I am sure you can find it or manufacture it.

Relationship Breakup (Forget Your Ex or Forget Someone)

Here a person finds it hard to stop thinking of their Ex and move on in their life because of all the emotions they have associated with them which will usually include anxiety, anger, hurt, guilt, resentment, not good enough, worthless, unloveable, etc. They may even still have positive emotions associated with the Ex so all of these emotions keep them thinking of their Ex all the time. Think of it this way what you focus on is what you get, what you focus on is whatever you think about the most, what you think about is whatever has the most emotions associated with it which in this case is all the negative emotions.

Next people often are scared to move on because they are scared of being alone because they will feel lonely, useless, not good enough, unloveable, failure etc, they are also so scared they won’t find anyone else or they will be rejected again all for the same reasons of feeling that they are useless, not good enough, unloveable, etc. So it is easier to hold on to the Ex than to move on and they always say they love them but I think this is a justification or a rationalisation for their behaviour I believe it is more about the fear of moving on and starting new again that is keeping them trapped. My clients are all happy to move on with their lives once I have removed all of these fears especially about a new relationship once they are not scared of being alone and looking for someone new they are happy to forget the Ex and move on.

Fear Partner Will Cheat

This will usually be a problem for a person who has been cheated on by an Ex partner they normally have lots of negative emotions anchored to the person and the betrayal and will have lots of emotions anchored to the act of partner cheating. This makes the act of cheating separate to the Ex so when they go into another relationship they will constantly worry the new partner will cheat on them as well, just like their previous partner.

The more they worry about this happening with their new partner the more they anchor emotions to the fear they will cheat as well, this will then cause them to behave in ways that will put a strain on the relationship and ultimately force the partner to either cheat on them or leave them or both. They end up creating what they don’t want to happen, and this will usually be a problem in all future relationships. Also, sometimes they actually attract partners that do cheat on partners.

Cheating on Partner

I have seen many people with this problem where they are cheating on their partner all the time but they don’t want to. This comes about for several reasons people who cheat have self-esteem issues where they feel they are useless, not good enough, worthless and unlovable to some degree or another. To make themselves feel better about themselves, they have to get love or validation from someone else.

So the logic on how to get this love? When they have sex, they think well I must be good enough I must be loveable because they are willing to have sex with me therefore I must be loveable. However they cannot get this feeling from their partner anymore because after a while it doesn’t count because well they have to love me so they don’t get this validation anymore. Remember this happens at a subconscious level I am verbalising it in a way you can understand.

Another part of this is they may also get other emotional rewards when cheating excitement and thrill of the chase or dating dance which gives them a feeling of being powerful, desirable, sexy, etc. So they feel great for a while but it never lasts very long and they start to feel useless, not good enough, worthless and unlovable and as soon as this happens they have to seek out another person to cheat on their partner with to feel good about them self again.

Another reason why people do this is because they feel they are useless, not good enough, worthless and unlovable. Because they believe this about them self they are not allowed to be happy or be loved in a loving relationship so they cheat and then make sure they are caught out by their partner to destroy the relationship, now obviously this is not a conscious act this is all happening at a subconscious level outside their conscious awareness and they are probably confused as to why they do it.

The more they engage in this behaviour the more they anchor both positive and negative emotions to the whole process and create a loop where they are continually trying to escape feeling unlovable by having sex with someone else which makes them feel loveable and around and around they go. This means that guilt and other emotions for cheating on their partner over time increase the more they do it.

You Have Noticed a Pattern in Your Relationships That Doesn’t Work

There are many types of patterns people have when they are in a relationship and they tend to repeat these patterns over and over again without really knowing how or why it is happening.

One example is a client was married for 15 years and was miserable and felt trapped. The wife finally broke up with him and he started to date 5 women over the next 2 years but noticed a relationship pattern he needed help with but he didn’t know what it was he couldn’t explain it he just knew he had a problem. It took 20 minutes of exploration to work it out this pattern, when he is by himself he felt lonely, isolated, useless, not good enough, worthless, unloveable, etc.

So he would get into a relationship to escape these feelings and he would feel great then but within a month or two he would feel trapped, but he was unable to leave them because he would feel guilt, for hurting them so this made him feel even more trapped but his fear of of feeling guilt had to be avoided at all costs. So he would purposefully distance himself and push them away until they had enough of it and broke off the relationship. He finally felt free and safe no longer trapped then after a month or two he would again feel lonely, isolated, useless, not good enough, worthless, unloveable, etc. So he would again have to seek a relationship again and start the same pattern detailed above.

So he anchored fear of being trapped in a relationship due to their first marriage and a desperate need to escape it. This then motivated them with a need to escape the relationship and a feeling of being trapped. But they also anchored guilt to telling someone they wanted to leave them because it would hurt them so they couldn’t bring them self to do it so they then anchored a tactic of pushing them away and distancing them self so they would then leave them freeing them of feeling trapped and avoiding feeling any guilt.

Then when they were alone, they also anchored feeling lonely, isolated, useless, not good enough, worthless, unloveable etc, to being alone so they would then desperately try to escape these feelings by seeking a relationship.

Each time they repeated this pattern they would anchor more and more emotions to each of the stages in this cycle ensuring they would just keep repeating the same pattern over and over again.

No One Asks You Out

Girls I have seen who have this problem constantly think about this problem and worry about it and when they do this they actually anchor emotions to the thought that no one asks me out like anxiety, anger, sadness, useless, not good enough, worthless, unlovable, etc. This can also translate over time into anger and resentment towards men so as they buildup more emotions around these thoughts they manifest this into actually happening.

So when they interact with men they will transmit these feelings around this problem to the guy and this will in turn tend to stop men from asking them out especially if they transmit their anger and resentment.

Another way this can occur is if they women is very attractive they can be approached by guys many times a day asking them out, this will tend to frustrate the women or upset her so she will slowly develop ways of turning the guys off of approaching them or ending a conversation quickly so they can get on with their day and tasks. They will communicate through the words they choose the tonality of the use of those words and their body language and emotional energy. All to stop them approaching or ending it quickly. So after a while they automate this at a subconscious level to the point it stops guys asking them out all the time.

Fear of Being in a Relationship

For this problem the person has been in a relationship in the past that was traumatic in being they may have experienced emotional and physical abuse or maybe it was just a really emotionally volatile relationship (lots of arguing and fighting) or a really traumatic breakup that they didn’t initiate. So all of these emotions are anchored to the partners sex; it is also anchored to the actual idea of being in a relationship. So anytime they think of being in a relationship they re-experience all of these emotions so they just are not motivated to seek another relationship in fact the opposite occurs they avoid being in one completely.

Treatments for Relationship Problems

How Can Relationship Hypnosis Eliminate Your Relationship Problems Using Relationship Hypnotherapy Melbourne?

Different Types of Relationship Hypnosis

However, most relationship hypnosis approaches don’t work to eliminate relationship problems in this way most hypnotherapists work by introducing suggestions into your subconscious mind to change your thoughts and hence your behaviours, so it can work great with behaviour problems but not emotions. Unfortunately, most hypnotherapists are taught this behavioural suggestion type of relationship hypnosis.

Fortunately, I am trained in how to work with emotions, more importantly how to remove them, and this is the key to eliminating relationship problems.

I have been working with clients for years helping them eliminate their relationship problems by using relationship hypnosis Melbourne and other neuro-hypnotic re-patterning techniques.

This is achieved by removing or disconnecting the emotions from your memories; Remember, you store your emotions in your body anchored to your memories. So using these techniques, we can make your memories emotionless.

So we will remove all emotions that trigger your relationship problems like anxiety, anger, sad, worthless, etc. 

Test at the End of My Hypnosis to Forget Ex Session

At the end of my hypnosis to forget Ex sessions as a test I get the client to go back to all their bad memories and try to get any old emotions associated with them back, but hey cannot get any emotion associated with these memories, they just feel blank or neutral. I also will get them to test a variety of contexts in their life such as work, self, relationships, future, etc. But all of these different contexts and memories are the same they just feel blank or neutral.

Finally, I will get them to go back to all the times they can remember having the relationship problems and they won’t be able to get any of the old emotions, physical sensations from those memories. This means they will not automatically go into their old automatic emotions and behaviours from the past because we have broken the old patterns.

Problems with Partner (Anxiety, Anger and Fighting, Etc.)

So after the relationship hypnosis Melbourne the person will no longer be scared their partner may leave them, they will no longer fear getting hurt, they are no longer needy because we have removed any self-esteem problems they had. We have stopped them from fighting all time by removing the anger they were carrying. We have eliminated their addiction so it no longer affects the relationship. They will be happy more relaxed and things won’t trigger them off like they used to in their relationship.

Relationship Breakup Hypnosis to Forget Ex

Here after the hypnosis to forget ex we have removed all emotions associated with their Ex and also any fears, they have about the future around being alone or finding another partner and they just will stop thinking of the ex altogether and be able to move on and explore a new relationship or just being by them self so hypnosis to forget ex is a very effective treatment.

Fear Partner Will Cheat

Through the relationship hypnosis Melbourne we have removed all the fear they have around their partner cheating on them so they just stop thinking about it and also stop all the destructive behaviours that this fear spawned, they will feel a lot more happy and content in the relationship.

Cheating on Partner

Once the relationship hypnosis has removed all their self-esteem problems and other emotions associated with cheating, they will just stop thinking about it they will feel a lot happy and accepting of self they just won’t have any desire to cheat ever again.

You Have Noticed a Pattern in Your Relationships That Don’t Work

After the relationship hypnosis to remove all the emotions around the thoughts and behaviours that have been causing problems in their relationships with these repeating patterns they will just stop and they will be able to explore a relationship free from these previously painful patterns or behaviours in their relationships.

No One Asks You Out

Using the relationship hypnotherapy Melbourne to remove all the emotional energy associated with this problem my clients find they start to be asked out straight away! My last client with this problem got asked out 12 times in 2 weeks following first session after 5 years of not being asked out once, they will now have an opportunity to have a relationship.

Fear of Being in a Relationship

During the relationship hypnotherapy Melbourne we have removed all the fears they have associated with being in a relationship this will leave them free to explore being in a relationship again but a very different type of relationship free from their past.

So at the end of the relationship hypnotherapy Melbourne session these clients will no longer have the relationship problem.

Benefits of Relationship Hypnotherapy Melbourne

Features of Relationship Hypnosis